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Dolly Jokes, Genetics and Cloning

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion?
I don't know, but when it speaks you better listen.

What did the friars living with Gregory Mendel say at dinner?
"What, peas again?"

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mouse?
Elephant x Mouse Sine Theta

DNA molecule: "I hate being a DNA molecule. There is so much to remember!"

My mother taught me about GENETICS..."You are just like your father!"

Gregor Mendel (1822-1884)

Gregor Mendel, an Austrian botanist who lived and conducted much of his most important research in a Czechoslovakian monastery, established the basis of modern genetic science. He experimented on pea plants in an effort to understand how a parent passed physical traits to its offspring. In one experiment, Mendel crossbred a pea plant with wrinkled seeds and a pea plant with smooth seeds. All of the hybrid plants produced by this union had smooth seeds. During years of painstaking research, Mendel bred more pea plants with different select traits, such as blossom color, pod color and shape, and pod position.
These experiments enabled Mendel to formulate the basic laws of heredity: Hereditary factors do not mix but remain segregated; some factors are dominant, while others are recessive; each parent lends only half of his or her hereditary information to his or her progeny; and different offspring of the same parents have different sets of hereditary information.
He was the first to lay the mathematical foundations of the science of genetics, in what came to be called Mendelism.

More about Mendel and heredity

A Cloning Poem

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was slightly gray,
It didn't have a father, just some borrowed DNA.

It sort of had a mother, though the ovum was on loan,
It was not so much a lambkin, as a little lamby clone.

And soon it had a fellow clone, and soon it had some more,
They followed her to school one day, all cramming through the door.

It made the children laugh and sing, the teachers found it droll,
There were too many lamby clones, for Mary to control.

No other could control the sheep, since their programs didn't vary,
So the scientists resolved it all, by simply cloning Mary.

But now they feel quite sheepish, those scientists unwary,
One problem solved, but what to do, with Mary, Mary, Mary!

To learn more about cloning clik here.

Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?

Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by President Clinton's special commission to study the moral and practical effects of cloning:

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait, Henry IV part II?

Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and "irregulars"?

Are the Pope and his clone both infallible?
What if they disagree about something?

Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and "irregulars"?

Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers, create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg?

So What Is Genetic Engineering?

'Engineering' is a fancy word for making something. So genetic engineering (often just called GE) is making something with genes. Clever scientists have learned to spot which gene does what in building a new organism. They've found out that simple organisms like bacteria or viruses often have genes which are useful because they can be snipped out and put - spliced - into plant genes. Doing this could give the plant special new abilities like resisting disease.

So what? By making new types of GE organism (mostly plants) - called transgenic organisms because they contain genes pinched from something else like bacteria, viruses, other plants or even animals - scientists can get the plant to grow bigger or faster or make more for people to eat. Some plants could be made to grow in salty water or very little water - good for very dry countries. Others could be programmed to resist disease. Some could even make stuff called vaccines which could protect kids against nasty illnesses like polio or measles. Sounds great, doesn't it?

But This is rather like grabbing a large scorpion so it can't nip you with its claws. You know it's safe to handle since its claws can't reach you but - ow! - it's got a sting in its tail you didn't know about. There may be a 'sting in the tail' which comes from splicing strange genes into other organisms - from viruses to plants, for example. No-one can be certain what will happen. It is unpredictable.

More about Genetic Engineering

From Dr.Bryan Ness and his students; Department of Biology, Pacific Union College, Angwin, CA 94508.

What do you get when you cross a potato with a sponge?
I don't know, but it sure holds a lot of gravy.

What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a computer?
A hairy reasoner. (Maybe too old for today's students.)

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a lion?
I don't know, but when it speaks you better listen.

Where would one find genes retired from the human genetic pool?
In an old folks genome.

Cell about to undergo mitosis to an interested geneticist: "I hope I have your divided attention"

What do you get when you cross a bridge with a bicycle?
The other side.

What do you call a 6-legged insect that can't speak? A mutant.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a male chromosome and a female chromosome?
A: Take down their genes (jeans)!

What do you call a Drosophila who likes to drink? A bar fly.

It's Your Genome (After All)
(Sung to the Tune of "It's A Small World")

There are just four bases in DNA.
There is G and T, and there's C and A.
And their sequence in genes
Forms our guts, lungs, and spleens
From our genome after all.

It's your genome after all,
It's our genome after all,
It's our genome after all,
We've great gobs of genes.

If your ACA turns to ACT
There's a world of problems
For you and me.
For the bases won't hold,
And the protein won't fold,
From your genome after all.


The answer to cardiovascular genetics

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Eat and drink what you like. It is speaking English that kills you.

Is it true that if you clone yourself four times, one will be Chinese?

Which is the right answer?

DNA means: "Do Not Ask."
DNA means: "Doing Nature's Agenda"
DNA means: "Do Nothing Artificial."

To learn more about DNA click here.

Newspaper editor: "So what award-winning story are you going to write today?"

Science reporter: "I don't know. There are two major press conferences to cover. In the first, two teams of scientists are announcing that they've unveiled the human genome, identifying every letter of the genetic code. In the second, an Austrian monk is announcing that he knows why some pea plants are short."

Editor: "I'm not too smart, but I think you should write about the human genome. Let Jay Leno handle the monk. Perhaps I'll also tell our cartoonist about him. With Elian Gonzalez gone, he's running out of material."

Doctor to excited parents of newborn baby: "I just got the results of your son's DNA analysis. The good news is that he has a nice set of acting genes and could be successful in either Hollywood or Congress. The bad news is that he has litigious genes and could become a lawyer. Would you like to put him up for adoption?"

Assistant manager: "Why didn't you hire that candidate? She has a great resume."

Manager (taking a puff of his cigarette): "Yes, she's a bright woman, she interviewed well and has lots of experience. But I just don't like her DNA. Our health insurance bill will hit the roof if we hire someone who's likely to get cancer."

Some Interesting Facts about Mendel

  • As a youth, he frequently took to his sickbed for weeks, even months, at a time.

  • Before turning his attention to peas, where he would make his most important discoveries, Mendel bred mice. The local bishop found mouse breeding offensive, however, forcing Mendel to find a more genteel area of study.

  • He had just made one of the most important discoveries in science, but the scientists to whom he sent his reprints apparently didn't get it. Many of them didn't even cut the pages (necessary in those days to open papers) to read his work. Only one scientist ever bothered to respond to Mendel's paper, and he responded with what would ultimately prove to be disastrous advice. Karl von Nageli, of the University of Munich, had previously experimented with hawkweed, a plant that follows a very unusual reproductive pattern. Mendel started experimenting with hawkweed, and lost confidence in everything he had accomplished studying peas.

  • It's naive to say that Mendel was just a humble monk who never hoped for fame. In fact, he did hope for recognition, but the only recognition that came during his lifetime was as a local meteorologist. He died never knowing how much his findings would change history.

  • In 1850 he took the examination for certification as a regular teacher but failed , his lowest marks being given, ironically, in biology and geology.

  • In 1868 he was elected as the abbot of his monastery.
Most of the information in this box is taken from Strange Science

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out?

Genetics Lab Diagnoses

1. Yes, brilliance runs in your family, but in zigzag pattern.

2. Your family gene pool obviously had a brain drain.

I have been a lousy swimmer right from the start my DNA almost drowned in its gene pool.

Genetics lab: today I crossed an owl with a goat and got a hootenanny.

First law of socio-genetics: Poverty is not hereditary.

Neither honesty is.

At the International Genetics Meeting.

An American reports:
"We crossed chickens with cows. The new breed simultaneously produces milk, meat and eggs."

A Frenchman reports:
"We succeeded in cross-breeding flies and bees. The hybrid flies over the trash fields and produces honey."

A Russian reports:
"And we crossed a melon with cockroaches. When you cut this melon, seeds run away by themselves."

Serious & Funny Cloning Links

Cloning - from the Office of Public Affairs (FASEB).

Biotechnology Biography - Biotechnologists' / Genetic Engineers' Biographies


My Dog Kelly

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Last updated: June 2013
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