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Volcano Jokes and Earth Sciences

Never lend a geologist money. They consider a million years ago to be recent.

Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it.

- Mark Twain

Paul Erdos - the subject of many jokes and the most prolific mathematician in history - is always making jokes about how old he is.
Once he said that he is two and a half billion years old, because in his youth, the age of the Earth was known to be two billion years and now it is known to be 4.5 billion years.

Does an excellent student of vulcanology graduate magma cum laude?

Never lend a geologist money. They consider a million years ago to be recent.

Real story... still funny.
Talking to a group of primary school teachers about geology, and how to introduce it to the young. The inevitable discussion on dinosaurs...all kids are fascinated about dinosaurs.
So I asked the teachers, if so many kids were interested in dinosaurs, why wouldn't be there more geologists...
The answer...most kids grow up!

The Vesuvius Eruption and Pompeii Destruction

Pompeii is an ancient city of south Italy, a port near Naples and at the foot of Mt. Vesuvius.
An eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in A.D. 79 buried Pompeii, along with Herculaneum and Stabiae, under cinders and ashes that preserved the ruins of the city with magnificent completeness - down to the fresh colors of the wall paintings.
The long-forgotten site of the city was rediscovered in 1748 and has been sporadically excavated since that time thus revealing the habits, manners, art and architecture of Roman times.

Learn More about Pompeii and Its Excavation

Here in California, when a bridge falls down, we know it must be San Andreas' Fault!

The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease.

A volcano is a mountain with hiccups.

Deadliest and Largest Earthquakes

Deadliest January 1556 China, Shansi 830,000 8
Deadliest - U.S. April 1906 San Francisco, California 3,000 7.8
Strongest May 1960 Chile 2000 9.5
Strongest U.S. March 1964 Prince William Sound, Alaska 125 9.2
More abuot Earthquakes and Earthquake Statistics

Some of the Deadliest Volcanic Eruptions

Eruption (Volcano, Lacation) Year Casualties Major Cause
Tambora, Indonesia 1815 92,000 Starvation
Krakatau, Indonesia 1883 36,000 Tsunami
Mont Pelee, Martinique 1902 30,000 Pyroclastic flows
Nevado del Ruiz, Colombia 1985 25,000 Mudflows
Unzen, Japan 1792 15,000 Volcano collapse, Tsunami
Kelut, Indonesia 1586 10,000  
Lakagigar (Laki), Iceland 1783 9,000 Starvation
Mount Vesuvius, Italy 79 A.D. 3,360 Pyroclastic Flow

Balloon Man

A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes that he is lost, so he reduces his altitude and spots a man on the ground down below. Lowering the balloon a little further, the balloonist shouts "Excuse me Sir! But can you help me? I promised my friend that I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am!"
The man on the ground replies, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering at approximately 30 feet. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 59 degrees west longitude."
"You must be a geologist," says the balloonist.
"Why, yes I am," replies the man on the ground. "How on earth did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is well described. It is also technically and geographically accurate. However, I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact of the matter is I have spent much valuable time conversing with you and I am still lost. Furthermore, I will not be able to make my appointment now."
The geologist below nods his head and says, "You must be a manager in an oil company."
"Why, yes I am," replies the balloonist, "But how did you guess that?"
"Well," says the geologist, "You have no idea where you are or where you are going. Also, you have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem for you. The real fact of the matter is that you are in exactly the same position now as what you were in before we met, yet now your predicament has somehow become my fault."

The Richter Magnitude Scale

The Richter magnitude scale was developed in 1935 by Charles F. Richter of the California Institute of Technology as a mathematical device to compare the size of earthquakes. The magnitude of an earthquake is determined from the logarithm of the amplitude of waves recorded by seismographs. On the Richter Scale, magnitude is expressed in whole numbers and decimal fractions. Because of the logarithmic basis of the scale, each whole number increase in magnitude represents a tenfold increase in measured amplitude of the waves.
Earthquakes with magnitude of about 2.0 or less are usually called micro-earthquakes; they are not commonly felt by people and are generally recorded only on local seismographs. Events with magnitudes of about 4.5 or greater are strong enough to be recorded by sensitive seismographs all over the world. Great earthquakes, such as the 1964 Good Friday earthquake in Alaska, have magnitudes of 8.0 or higher. On the average, one earthquake of such size occurs somewhere in the world each year. The Richter Scale has no upper limit. Recently, another scale called the "Moment Magnitude Scale" has been devised for more precise study of great earthquakes.

More about the Richter Scale

After the Revolution : The far right extremists of,,, and finally get it together and overthrow the government. Then they start rounding up politicians to execute. A firing squad is convened and Al Gore, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are all marched to a wall to be shot.
As the right wing nuts are loading their guns Al Gore thinks, "I've got to cause a diversion so I can get away." He yells "Oh, no. A TORNADO" and points behind the firing squad. As the ultraconservative fruitcakes turn around to see if there is a tornado approaching, Al Gore jumps over the wall behind him and runs away.
The firing squad turns their attention back to the two men who are left. Clinton quickly observes how well Gore's ruse has worked and yells "EARTHQUAKE". As the firing squad frantically looks for a place to take cover Clinton jumps over the wall and he too escapes.
The firing squad resumes their stance and proceeds to take aim at George W. Bush. Dubya, believing that he, too, can create a diversion, frantically searches his mind for another natural disaster to use. Smiling to himself, he yells "FIRE".

Mom and Dad Volcano:
What did the dad volcano say to the mom volcano?
Do you lava me like I lava you?

A man goes into a restaurant, sits down and starts reading the menu. The menu says:
Broiled Accountant $5.95 per plate
Fried Engineer $7.95 per plate
Toasted Teacher $7.95 per plate
Grilled Geologist $25.95 per plate
The man calls a waiter over and asks "Hey, why does the Grilled Geologist cost so much more?"
The waiter says, " Are you kidding? Do you know how hard it is to clean one of them!?"

What does a volcano wear when it goes out to town? A LavaLava.


A tsunami is series of catastrophic ocean waves generated by submarine movements, which are caused by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, landslides beneath the ocean, or an asteroid striking the earth. Tsunami principally occur in the Pacific Ocean following earthquakes over magnitude 6.5 on the Richter scale. In the open ocean, tsunamis may have wavelengths of up to several hundred miles and travel at speeds up to 450 mph (720 kph), yet have wave heights of less than 3 ft (1 m), which pass unnoticed beneath a ship at sea. When tsunami approach shallow water along a coast, they are slowed, causing their length to shorten and their height to rise sometimes as high as 100 ft (30 m). When they break, they often destroy piers, buildings, and beaches and take human life. Probably the most destructive tsunami occurred following the explosive eruption of the volcano Krakatoa in the East Indies on Aug. 27, 1883, when over 36,000 people were killed as a result of the wave. Waves were up to 100 ft (30 m) high with speeds between 350 and 450 mph (560720 kph). It is believed that a 0.6-mi-wide (1-km-wide) asteroid that struck the ocean SW of New Zealand about A.D. 1500 created tsunamis that reached heights of more than 425 ft (130 m).
More about Tsunami

Dinosaur Jokes

Q: Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
A: Because she was a plant eater!

Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode?
A: What a lava-ly day!

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Because the chicken wasn't invented yet.

Q: Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors?
A: Because she had no guts!

Q: What was T. rex's favorite number?
A: Eight! (ate)

Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A: Jurassic Pork!

Q: What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress?
A: Rep. Tile!

The Big Four

  Weight Length Height
Blue Whale 120 tons 25 m (80 ft) 5 m (17 ft)
Brachiosaurus 80 tons 23 m (77 ft) 12 m (40 ft)
Mammoth 9 tons 7 m (23 ft) 4.5 m (15 ft)
African Elephant 6 tons 6 m (20 ft) 3 m (10 feet)

It only rains twice a year in London: August through April and May through July.

The rear end of a trilobite is called a trilobutt.

"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?"
"Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."

Why did it rain money during the tornado? Because there was a "change" in the weather.

A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. He gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. He goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and asks out of despair, "Hey kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says, "How do I know? I'm only 6."

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow, rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow, storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally, the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio broke."

My Dog Kelly

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Last updated: June 2013
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